just another dumb girl

well, peter pointed out to me that i am a 25 year hypochondriac cat lady wino. its the truth. i went to the emergency room this morning because i wan convinced that i was having kidney failure or had broken my back or something. turnes out, there was nothing wrong with me.  i was in alot of pain though and couldnt stop crying so they did give me an iv with some pain killer i cant remember the name of now. and the cat lady part, i just had 6 kittens one week ago today and i love every last one of them to death. i literally start crying when i think of them. oh and the wino thing, well, i do like a bottle of wine every now and then. so, this is me now. what will i have when i actually am old. god, life is dissapointing no matter what, huh?

approximation of buttheads

why such a butthead?

why a death wish?

why so drunk?

why all the time?

in real life i guess i really dont care anyway.

dont bother me.

i hope you feel better.

r. 

this happened to me...again.

i dropped my phone in the toilet. im dumb. i shouldnt have things. oh well.

well its today

i might be shallow

i might be hollow

i might be judgemental

i might not care

butt i love kittens

this day is poorly written

TODAY I WOKE PROMPTLY AT 7AM TO THE UNWELCOMING STATIC CHATTER OF OUR LOCAL PUBLIC RADIO STATION. IT SEEMS THAT SOMETIME IN THE NIGHT SOMEONE/THING HAD FIDDLES WITH THE TUNING OF MY CLOCK RADIO AND PLACED THE DIAL SOMEWHERE BETWEEN LOUD OBNOCTIOS HISSING AND HORRIBLY OFFENSICE SCRATCHING STATIONS. (I HAVE MY SUSPISSIONS IT IS MY NEW FURRY FRIEND SHELDON. AN ADORABLE LITTLE MOUSE I DONT HAVE THE HART TO KILL, YET.) AFTER LISTENEING TO THE AUDIBLY TORTUTOUS RACKET FOR EXACTLY 13 MINUTES I DECIDED TO RISE.  AT SOME POINT IN THE NIGHT/EARLY MORNING I WAS AWAKENED BY AN INTERNAL HEAT WAVE. RELIZING I HAD FALLEN ASLEEP LISTENING TO MUSIC WITH ALL THE LIGHTS ON AND STILL WEARING SOCKS SHOES PANTS AND SHIRT I SUPPOSE I MANNAGED TO PULL OFF WHAT I COULD. THIS, WHEN I WOKE TO THE ALARM LATER, RESULTED IN ME WEARING ONE LEFT SOCK ONE PANT LEG (RIGHT) AND TEE SHIRT SECURELY AROUND RIGHT WRIST.  I  IMAGINE WHAT PROMPTED MY RUDE AWAKINING MAY HAVE BEEN TWO GUN SHOTS THAT SOUNDED LIKETHEY HAD BEEN FIRED DIRECTLY OUTSIDE MY BASEMENT/BEDROOM WINDOW. (THIS CONFIRMED TO NOT BE A DREAM BY MY ROOMATE & FRIEND JOE S. ES HE WAS AWAKENED BY IT AS WELL.)  AFTER GETTING DRESSED AND WASHED UPI HEAD FOR THE DOOR AND REALIZE IT IS 8 AM AND I HAVE ABSOLUTLY NO REASON TO BE AWAKE OR GOING ANY WHERE.  THAT RESOLVED, I MOUNTED MY BIKE AND RODE OFF INTO THE BRISK BEAUTIFULL RUESDAY MORNING. I FOUND MYSELF A LITLE LATER ON THE SHORE OF SOME FOREST PARKPOND READING IN THE SHADE AND INTERMITINGLY STARING AT TADPOLES OR MINNOWS OR SOME SORT OF WHATER BOUND SPERM LIKE THING. AFTER ABOUT 75 PAGES I SNAP AWAKE AND RELIZE ID BEEN NAPPING IN THE SUN FOR THE LAST HOUR OR SO. WITH STILL AN HOUR TO SPARE BEFORE DONING MY PENGUIN SUIT AND HANDING OUT REFRESHMENTS TO THE 7-10 PREDICTIBLY SLOW DAYTIME MOVIE GOERS, I DECIDED TO CONTINUE READING. A LITTLE BORED AND NOW SWEATING FORM THE BLAZING OCTOBER SUN (?), I FIGURED IT WAS TIME TO VENTURE TI AN AIRCONDITIONED PLACE WITH A COMPFY CHAIR AND CONTINUE READING WHILE GETTING PAID (AN IMPRESSIVE $8/HR. IT ONLY TOOK ME 3 YEARS, 3 TIMES EITHER GETTING FIRED OR QUITTING, AND ONE REQUEST FOR A RAISE TO GET TO THAT ENTIRELY UNHEARD OF WAGE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOES SO CLOSE TONOTHING THAT I PRACTICLY IS...NOTHING). AND THUS STARTS OCTOBER 9TH, 2007.

AT TIMES I FEEL MY WRITING MAY SOUND ABIT CONTRIVED BUT I ASSURE YOU, THESE ARE INFACT THE WORDS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD AT THIS TIME. I LRB, AM STILL RETARDO 314.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

I AM SUSPICIOUS THAT STARING AT WORDS AND LETTERS FOR HOURS A DAY CAN MAKE YOU THINK TOO MUCH.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

WHAT A PLEASENT AND FULLFILLING FEELING TO WAKE IN THE MORNING, STEP OUTSIDE, AND TAKE A DEEP COOL BREATH OF THE NEW CLEAN CRISP FALL AIR. MY FIRST IMPRESSION OF OCTOBER 10TH 2007 WAS VERY PLEASING.THE LATE MORNING WELCOMED ME WITH THE SOUNDS OF A MARCHING BAND PRACTICING THEIR LATESTED CROWD RALLY-ING SONDS. FULLY AQUIPTED WITH AN IMPRESSIVE DRUM SECTION. THESE SOUNDS WELCOMED ME TO WHAT I BELEVE WILL BE A WONDERFULLY BEAUTIFUL DAY.

title title title title title title title title title title title title title title title title title title

in the begining there were 6. 3 black. 3 gold.

the end.

how does it feel

forget me forgetting me

how does it feel to have a dead hug from someone

once so alive

how does it feel to have the waves of my hurt

feelings slap you in your face

how does it feel to look at me now

what do you see anyway

anything!?

the feeolling is one of...

used to be loving

but you revived it, you

hurt it out of me.

i am incapeable of harboring such a feeling for you

anymore. what is it called?_________________

anothermorning.imdumb

good mornig rose,

i hope your day if full of productivity and joy. look into the sun, its ok. 

love, 

god

be my friend dont be my friend be my friend

boys are dumb.

and then there was grown ups

so ive decided recently that my life as some sort of stupid drunk party socialite is at an end. im done.
by the way, the tv just told me that "Blue Crush" was one of the worlds best sports movies. granted i dont know much about sports movies, but come on tv.
well, its now 10 after 8, so i should probably go to bed.
untill next time the internet.
this was some dumb grown up.